Disclaimer: this article is a satire and should not be taken seriously.
Life is good, especially if you’re rich.
The rich are special people that’s why Mike Hanopol wrote a song just for them (Laki sa layaw Jeproks!).
If you’re a rich kid, just lie down there and let your yaya read this article for you.balita.com
Though rich kids don’t have any problem with money, they have bigger and more complicated problems to deal with, like not knowing how to:
Maski na lang ang underwear, ang maid pa jud ang palabhun. Well, there’s the maid and washing machine to do the job, why should I waste my precious time doing such menial task?
Notice how the rich household don’t have plastic plates and only have glassware?
They don’t wash their plates, they just throw it in the trash bin and buy another set. They can’t afford to dampen their silky smooth hands (touched by Belo of course!).
They take their daily dose of nutrients from multivitamin supplements. Leafy vegetables don’t suit their sophisticated taste. Kung mag-otan man gani daghan pirmi mahibiling kamunggay sa bandehado inig kahuma’g kaon.
Na-taymingan sad nga init ang panahon, but even during the cold season these rich kids can’t survive without the cold atmosphere provided by the air conditioning unit. It’s as if they grew up with snow inside their house. Whelp, good luck pag may brown out!
Tap water is gross! I mean, who would drink from that rusty faucet?! I might get hepatitis C or HIV! I don’t trust MCWD nor those manongs on the street selling bottled water! May na lang naa koy piso, ari na lang ko’s hulog-hulog piso nga tubig.
They say it causes pimples, and the food doesn’t look yummy! I couldn’t argue with the rich kids here except with buwad though. But being on a diet, I have no choice but to sustain myself with buwad and ginamos. I-apil na lang ang hipon kung naay manggang hilaw.
Oh look, Apple used its planned obsolescence tactics again! Quick dad! Gimme money so that I can buy the new iPhone model! How will people know I’m rich if they see my last year’s smartphone?
They need company should they attempt to ride one, or better yet they should opt to ride a taxi instead. They might get lost and the number system on the jeepneys are confusing. They should ask Manoy Barker if they are riding the right jeepney to Starbucks Ayala.
Natural! Pirmi gud na sila muadto og States kada summer vacation and their role model is Kris Aquino so they speak like her. They can’t comprehend deep Bisaya and don’t understand Bisaya novelty songs.
They don’t watch native TV shows because they’re so and it’s not spoken in English.
These rich kids will surely be hired on the spot if ever they apply for a call center agent position.
Uhmm… where’s the tissue? Guys? I’m serious here!
Does using water and wiping your own shit send shivers down your spine?
Do you find it gross than watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre?
Congratulations, you have reached the pinnacle of #richkidproblems!
Be sure to subscribe to the nearest sari-sari store so you won’t forget to bring a box of tissue paper the next time you visit your middle class cousins.
But for now, why don’t you use the receipt you receive from Starbucks to wipe your ass?
These rich kids can be annoying sometimes but we ordinary folks just condone their behavior.
They couldn’t handle the simplest tasks, what more if we add to it?
Disclaimer: this article is still a satire.