Get to know how it feels to be another woman and hear it from them. The views and opinions of the article belongs to the writer.
Since time immemorial, the concept of kabit or mistress is taboo. Technically, the term mistress is used when the people involved are already in a marriage. For boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, its called the third party. Women, usually, are ostracized from society. With the advent of media and TV shows like, the Legal Wife, this perception has been exacerbated. You see people talk about how they hate Nicole so much and will always side with Monica. To me, I dont think mistresses are always the only one to blame. Yes, they have a hand in it. But they do not see what it really is.
But love. What is it really? They say you cannot control it. They say there is no reason why. One day, youll wake up and realize youre in love and your whole world changes. Ive been there. And Im writing this to tell you about how I truly felt.
Ive been in love and a third party at the same time and its not a good feeling. You know that its absolutely wrong. Wrong to feel for someone who has someone. Wrong to hurt another person who didnt do anything wrong to you. Wrong to complain if he cant see you today because hes with the other person. Your self-esteem goes down. You feel like a prostitute. You feel small. For someone whos always been in control for most of ones life, you feel helpless and stupid. You loath yourself. But even if you do, you already fell into the pit and felt something strong, something you cannot
take back so easily. You flirt. I flirt. But this is only the tip of the iceberg to what it really feels.
People do not know the other side.
They do not see how hard it is to cry every night because your human faculties are in play and they are winning over you. They do not see how it stings when you see him laugh the same kind of laugh you knew. You can never be in the spotlight because theres someone else. You do not tell a soul about your relationship because they do not understand. You hear him as he tells you he loves you. You love him back but you know he says the same things to another person. You know you can never take her place but you still try. You know you deserve those promises of happiness and love, and you cannot stop the dopamine level rising.
You break down the walls you built for so long, even if youre not sure of what youre holding on to. You believe him and you loved him. You changed in order to suit what he is, how he is, what he wants. You try to be the one he will love forevermore and forget that you have to love yourself. You try, and you try so hard. But this is what you are, only a third party, a mistress, a kabit.
Its so unfair too, that they judge you for being the mistress but they do not judge the guy for cheating. If a guy really loved his princess, he wont go chasing after another one right? You know what he tells you. You know perfectly well the words that went like I want you to be my last and I love you so much. You know you deserve to hear those words. You know you should have him. He told you he wanted to be with you. Is it so wrong to trust and believe him? Worse, youre willing to be so little just so you can be with him. Why is it that youre the only one to blame? Why am I the only one to blame? I was promised they werent together anymore and it turns out it wasnt true. I did not know the whole story. I was lied to as well. I feel cheated on too. But why, why am I taking all the hate? What about him?
Indeed, loving is a patriarchal game and I hate it. They do not know what he tells you. When you try to tell people, they do not believe you because you
are just the third party. Youre the antagonist in their story and you should have known your place. They think you are inherently evil and judge your whole humanity for all of it. It hurts, like hell. You fight for it, but deep inside the wounds are huge. Eventually the pain consumes you. But people dont see this. They never will until they are in it. You will continually be an outcast. You accept it. And its unfair.
Im not going to pretend that Im right. Hell, in all parallel universes I will always be wrong. But people have to understand that you cant stop how you feel. That at one point I felt it was just the two of us. That no matter how much you hate that mistress, shes only human. And she can love too. Im sorry if you think I hurt you. But know this, I am extremely hurt too. I am heartbroken and devastated. I dont know what to do. Should I build my defenses? I have to rebuild my walls. Will I ever be the same? I dont know if Ill ever love again.
*Ranielle Cagang is the minister of training for the Lantugi Debate Varsity. An avid reader and writer, not to mention her for love cheescake, she spends her time daydreaming and exploring the world.